Get ready to red the most popular little Johnny jokes presented in our big collection. If you want to post something funny on Facebook, the following jokes about little johnny are what you need. You can use these jokes in many different ways. You can memorize them and when you meet your friends tell them these jokes. You can share these hilarious jokes on Facebook and tag your best friends. It does not matter how you spread these jokes, you can be sure they will make all your friends laugh like crazy.
Little johnny jokes
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.
She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher.
“It’s something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time.”
Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, “Quick!
Little Veronica got her first period. Confused and frightened, she decided to ask her pal, Little Johnny, if he could figure out what was going on down there. So she pulled down her pants and pointed to her crotch. Johnny became serious and said: “You know, I’m not a doctor, but it looks to me like someone just ripped your balls off!”
Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “”Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, however, knowing that he could be a bit crude at times, but eventually his turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnny. “Well, I can see that,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period?” “Damned if I know,” said Johnny, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.”
– Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
– Because I helped her.
– But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
– I helped her eat her gummy bears.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “”Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”
“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”
“Well, the answer is four,”said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”
“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”
“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Dirty little johnny jokes
If you like dirty jokes for adults only, the following dirty little johnny jokes are the best what you can find online. This collection contains a lot of popular jokes, but you will find a lot of rare jokes which you have never heard before.
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”
The teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. “Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked. Cindy put her hand up and said “Moooo!” “Very good” replied the teacher,”what sound does sheep make?” “Baaaa” answered Jimmy. She continued this for a while. Then she asked, “What sound does a pig make?” All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, “UP AGAINST THE WALL MUTHA_FUCKA”.
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”
Boss: *Shouting* “Little Johnny come to my office right now…”
Little Johnny: “Yes sir”!
Boss : “Little Johnny, I saw you arguing with the customer that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?”
Little Johnny: “Yes sir!, the customer is always right”.
Boss : “So what were you arguing about with that customer?”
Little Johnny: “He said my boss is stupid and an idiot sir”!
Boss: “That bustard. What did u say to him?”
Little Johnny: “I told him he’s right.”
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: “Does anyone know what this is?”
Little Johnny’s hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!”
Little johnny jokes teacher
This is a wonderful collection of little johnny jokes teacher. You should definitely tell these jokes to your friends. If you feel bored or sad, just check out the following jokes and any sign of depression will disappear immediately.
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”.
Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”
Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his mom, “Of course not.” Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word “definitely” in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies: “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”
The Teacher says: “Of course not Johnny.”
To which Johnny replies: “Then I have definitely shit my pants.”
Funny little johnny jokes
Nowadays, you can find any kind of jokes online. People share them on social networks all the time. You can surprise your friends posting one of these funny little johnny jokes.
After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”
Little Johnny offers, “Miss, it’s so we wouldn’t wake all those people sleeping.”
The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.” “Of course it is.” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”
A teacher said to her class, “Right, i’m going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it.
This one is round and red.”
Little Johnny’s hand shot up, but he was ignored.
“It’s a plum miss,” said a girl.
“no it’s an apple, but i like your thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green.”
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, “It’s a kiwi miss.”
No, it’s a guana, but i like your thinking.”
Little Johnny said, ” I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib.”
“Johny, thats disgusting!” shouted the teacher. ” no it’s a match, but i like your thinking.”
Said Little Johnny.”
Little Johnny went up to his teacher and says: “Miss can I go to the toilet?” The Teacher then said: “Only if you say the alphabet, then you can go.” Little Johnny: Ok! ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ Teacher: Well done but wheres the P? Little Johnny: Half way down my legs.
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r” after the first letter.” The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy.” A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.” “That’s right!” she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, “Mrs. Crunt?”
Little Johnny’s father asked for report card.
Johnny replied, “I don’t have it.”
“Why not?” His father asked.
“My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
Clean little johnny jokes
It is not so easy to find jokes which your friends have never heard before. In our collection, you will discover many unique jokes, such as these clean little johnny jokes. They are simply perfect!
One day mom was cleaning Little Johnny’s room. In the closet she found an S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. She finally asked him, “Well, what should we do about this?” Dad looked at her and said, “Well, I don’t think you should spank him.”
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?” Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?” He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, “Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?”
“No,” said Little Johnny knowledgeably. “It’s just like with Santa Claus. I know it’s really my dad.”
The teacher asked Little Johnny: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
Little Johnny replied: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.”
Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?”
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
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